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Guardian of the Threshold

The beast stood a giantess
With obsidian skin
Her eyes looked over the threshold
Paying no respect to my dignity
As still as stone I became
Moved to motionlessness by the violation
She perched to rise higher
And I still startled yet unstirred
Felt my form shrink
I was not ready
I’m not ready to cross this threshold
To feel the granule of my purity
Stripped of all the recognizable me
I will leave and I will return
On the day that I am the beast

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Bright Like the Day

Life is bright
Bright like the day
And the day is sometimes hot
Sometimes it burns to be alive
I carry non-existence as my parasol
Enough meaninglessness to stand in the shadow of-
To remind me that the pressure
The resistance
The gravity
A reality
Which are all both bright and hot
Do not penetrate the objective bigness of the planet
Let alone our galaxy whose edges we shall never breach
Life is bright
Bright like the day

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Act of God

The official document called it an Act of God
Which says a lot to our relationship with the divine

My white walls becoming black
My black sofa growing a shade of grey
I’m reminded that yin yang means balance

Nature mingling with where I once nurtured myself
Drafting and dripping in through a gaping, draping ceiling
I come close to understanding how Job must have felt

And balanced is the farthest from how I feel
I feel the scales tipping over against my favor

Wind, rain, and mold have won this battle
Leaving the victims
Myself and the oak that sits at 28 degrees
Her canopy a makeshift thatched-roof that keeps out the sun and nothing else

I no longer understand the phrase “to storm out”
All that was sudden has been my adrenaline
Six days of warning
Four days of road closure
Nine days of waiting
I wish money would storm out on me with such sluggish notice
But the storm is still here
The only one out is me

And the oak, still struggling to nestle it’s way more fully into my home
But both have a signed death warrant
And I have nothing, save my health
But you can’t live in your health
Nor store your books atop it
Nor hang your coat upon it

This is not the act of God I prayed for

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Leadership begs for leaders
On bended knees with clasped hands
Leadership prays for companions
Because leadership itself does not lead
Leadership supports
Leadership empowers the empowerer
Leadership abhors arrogance
And spits at the feet of the prideful
Leadership stands behind the commander
Leadership stands beside the hero
Leadership stands miles ahead of the conqueror
And yet still it is a warrior
Because leadership must battle itself
And will never concede defeat, merely retreat
Leadership will not die a martyr
But leadership is a prince who lives as a pauper
Leadership is humble
And prostrate, leadership pleads
For leaders
For those who would find a lost cause and bring it home

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Sometimes there is nothing more honest than pretend
Sometimes the costume peels away the facade
At times my natural smile it’s more like makeup
And I find that my proper speech is make-believe
It is in those moments that I wear the mask of my true countenance
That I run home to the privacy of my four walls
That I play the role of the person the world asks not to see
And so I walk as a fake me in the real world
Relegating myself to fantasy

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Touch your body to me

Touch your body to me
Let the space between us shrink
So I can crawl into it
Cloister myself from the bigness of the world
And join in flesh with another being
To frighten away the monsters
I’m afraid being a person is far too hard
So let me
For a while
Be two.
Let me borrow your soft mass and cloak myself in your senses
Existence is frightening
So help me disappear into blissful non-being
Dissolving into actions not my own
Behaviors we both intended
Let us become them
Until I can bear living again

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We Need to Stop Muddying Spiritual Conversations With Quantum Physics

Since the Enlightenment, spirituality has been at war with the sciences to reign supreme. But neither has to reign to matter.

Spiritual idealists have been trying to claim observations of the natural world as proof of the ether since lightning and thunder first made us piss our loincloths. And as each generation turns, what science has continuously proven is that the natural worlds, both of Newton and of Einstein, do not need a spirit to intervene and make it work.

Sure, there’s a great series of correspondences here. Newton’s laws correlate with Karma. Relativity mirrors alchemy and laws of vibration. Wave function collapse theory is a great metaphor for the power of clairvoyance. But that’s what it is. A metaphor. And it’s where we should be comfortable leaving it.

Spirituality, for a large part, is sublime and subtle. It loses integrity in the hardlines and sharp definitions of science. That isn’t a weakness. It’s actually a fundamental quality of the world. Am I my body? If so at what point do I end? Am I my microbiome? These aren’t answerable questions, but the answer isn’t the point. The gaping hole left by the un-answerability speaks to the truth of the natural world. A truth that science not only can’t explain but is actually quite unconcerned with.

Here’s your enlightenment: if you need to prove that the spirit exists to yourself, then your connection to spirit was too fragile to begin with. That fragility shouldn’t be shimmed by intrinsically weak logic or false statements. In fighting to make the case for it we end up with pseudoscience and superficial spiritual systems, both of which fail to produce the depth and purity of effect of their more rigorous counterparts.

Science is our observation of the natural world.
Spirit is that we observe at all.
And that’s enough.

Science answers how.
Spirit is awed by why.
And that’s enough.

Science is the fact that things happen.
Spirit is the wisdom that it means something.
And guess what. That’s enough.

If you really want to help demonstrate the reality of spirituality, lead someone down a spiritual journey. Teach them how to open their awareness to the present. Make them listen to Colors of the Wind while using hallucinogens. But don’t turn reserved scientific words and unvalidated reports into “proof” of the unknowable. Trying to force shut false Cartesian dichotomies by appropriating precise sciences and leveraging the general population’s ignorance of how quantum math works and the apparent paradoxes thereof is foolish. It’s MANIPULATIVE at best and SPIRITUALLY BACKWARDS at worst. That’s not to mention the very real and measurable damage it does to science which needs a sterile and ethically unbiased environment to do its job.

I’m sorry. I know it’s convenient to do it. And I know you do it because most of you are scared. You’re scared that science is totally correct and is the only paradigm the world needs. You’re afraid that if you don’t claim some corner or scrap of what scientific observation has that you will lose what seems to be an age-old war. But let me assure you of something. If you continue to attempt “God of the gaps” tactics, you will run out of credibility before you even run out of gaps. And then you will lose. Which is a shame because the world honestly needs spirit. It needs wonder. It needs to bathe in the sea of experience.

So please, read this and repeat after me because we will all be better for it if we understand that suspending experience in blissful wonder is really what we’re mostly meant to do: “simply observing that I am is enough to validate my soul.” There, you can release all that anxiety now.

Thank you.

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I perceive more miraculous anomalies in one nanometer of your anatomy than in the nativity.
Never have I felt an affinity so near infinity
My mind is a magazine, and you
An Emmy nominee
Nominally amazing
In every manner you can manage
I am a man enamored of your image
Even imagining your mammaries
Your beauty damning, demanding the greed of Mammon
It’s mildly maddening
Being mentally un-emancipated from the energy you emanate
Trapped in your very memory
Meaning with the best amenities
As an important emissary imprisoned with no indemnity.
Appoint me to serve you
Saying Namaste on my knees
I’d admonish your enemies and nemeses
Mend endemic emergencies.
Please allow me to meet with you intimately.