Response to a GIF prompt from Abe:
An embrace is a tragic reminder
That I can hold on to love
But never possess it.
Phantom limbs leave a numb tingle where they used to surround me
And I chuckle when it occurs to me I can no longer juggle your emotions
Without your arms.
Loneliness feels like the texture of sand grains flowing through amputated fingers.
It has the same hollow rasp as the last breath of hope.
I defy my parents decades too late
I stop making the bed
I don’t wear my scarf in the cold
I stand in the puddle during the rain
I sit too close to the TV
The more childish the tantrum the deeper the wound must be
But you are too far now to chastise me like in my daydream.
I hurt myself when I lose someone because if I sense pain it means at least something is still there.
I hurt someone when I lose them because if they hurt me back it means at least in some way they are still there.
But you stop responding
You’re the bigger person
It stings but not the way I want
I can’t cry when you won’t let me.
I keep forgetting that you keep what you hold on to
Until you let go
And I let you go
Now I can’t let go