For me, the question of identity is crucial. Who I am and what I stand for lies at the core of my intentional action. This is important in my lifestyle and professional activity. In the first three months of 2019, I went through some tough times and difficult events including spending some time in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, the subject of my latest poetry book. I lost a lot over that time. My business, my reputation, and my sense of identity were among the casualties. I plan on spending the second quarter of the year in rebirth, reaffirming my sense of self and the shape of my career.
Suffice to say this process is substantial, if not in reality then certainly in appearance. As I write this it is Easter Sunday, a day historically connected to the renewal of Spring and the rebirth of deities. Appropriate then that I reflect on my own rebirth after a painful ego-death. I should ask the question of what I need to complete this ritual. Are all the tools already within me, or do I perhaps need to collect or build something external? I certainly think the latter and that some external things are necessary to stand as affirmations of the identity I am assuming.
As I dive deeper and deeper into myself the more I find an affinity towards the art of words. Historically poetry, fiction, journalism and in fact, even this post is a meta-affirmation of my identity as a writer. I’m not as well read as I would like to be or maybe even ought to be, but I’m well informed by means of listening and discourse. Affirming this as something I identify with, I will continue to curate a modest but admirable collection of books and a lifestyle of engaging in profound, or at least engaging discourse. Meanwhile, I want my own words to be recorded. I’d like to publish more and will attach a sense of achievement around my own recorded words and written books. Again, that includes posts here.
In rebirth, the decision of whom you claim to be is an “ownmost” kind of thing. Only you can make the choice and do the work for yourself. Being the only person ultimately responsible for these actions is a hefty and necessary burden, but that doesn’t mean that it’s done in a vacuum. This is a high feedback activity, informing itself from the outside and announcing itself back. Identity is a conversation. It is largely for this reason I have taken initiative to publicly share my journey step-by-step.
So, Who Will I Be Reborn As?
All of these words and the most important question still has neither been answered nor addressed: Who am I? Well, let’s give an attempt at answering this in a few ways. My name is Devon M Scott and I am a poet aspiring for the nebulous but noble title of “warrior poet,” or at least being worthy of it. I live a chronicled lifestyle of writing and speaking, particularly on philosophical and spiritual matters and how they apply to my being “good” or “content” in life. In my own growth, I aim to positively influence the world around me and to act in response to relevant community matters, wherever my community may be.
That all sounds very good and honorable, but what do I want? Leisure. I want time to work on myself and my projects, to participate in my family and legacies, and to find peace and joy through performance and intimate social engagement. This would be most easily maintained through some level of wealth or meaningful support, so I will seek to earn my living by providing useful service through my art and standing as leadership where I am able and effective. Further, I want to continue earnest involvement in the martial arts and reaffirm my sense of identity as a capable martial artist.
Finally, I want to state what I stand for. This is pretty simple for me, as I’ve long devoted myself to a single phrase when asked what I want most. I just want things to make sense. I want to stand for as uncompromising a representative of sense as I am able. Not logic, not reason, but “sense” in almost an aesthetic manner. I want to solve problems and encourage living in such a way that smooths away at the roughness of life, even when that means carrying some of the roughness oneself. This is my idea of a beautiful life worth living.
First Rebirth, Then Growth
The above is the seed of the identity I want to grow into. The activities and lifestyle I described are how I plan to germinate this seed. I am still not able to determine what type of plant this will sprout into, but I feel that a good seed in good soil will grow into something worth cultivating. It’s no secret that I romanticize the concept of Eden, so perhaps the garden in which I grow can become close to a paradise. If not, the things I surround myself with should still represent a beautiful place to enjoy for all who enter and curate alongside me. I hope your seeds also grow into beautiful things that you come to love. May we all blossom and bloom during this time of renewal, rebirth, and resurrection. Thank you and happy Spring.